From a very early age I struggled with many of the ideas that have grown up in the popular mythology of how to live and what was important in the modern age. I was young without the knowledge or life experience to understand on any kind of logical level why I often felt disengaged with many areas of my life.
I had through various means engrained into me that my sense of self should be derived from the value and status I could achieve within the existing societal structure. When I look back at myself now, I see a narcissistic, ego driven, self-centered person. The thing was that at the height of my build as that person seems to have been when I was most accepted by my peers, friends and the world I inhabited. This bolstered my belief in a way of living which is completely vacuous devoid of any real meaning or purpose which was actually fulfilling. Ultimately that deep-seated unhappiness meant that it was only a matter of time before things would fall apart. In all areas of my life I've been completely self-destructive. It's only with the benefit of hindsight that I can analyse those things to try to find some sort of reasons. On some level I'd always been railing against a purported way to live to make me happy. I'm thankful almost everyday now for those sensibilities deep within me somewhere that didn't let me settle into a way of living which would have ultimately left me so unsatisfied. I really can't give a proper explanation about how I managed to surgically destroy anything which would have furthered that path but something that now feels like it was innate within me was always railing against me accepting the norm.
I became in the aftermath of pulling my world down quite isolated and alone seeking refuge in ways of distracting myself from the frustration of not understanding how to fill in the picture. I found solace in entertainment, meaningless interaction, drink or anything which would lift the burden of thinking about trying to understand why I felt the way I did when I engaged my thoughts on a deeper level. It wasn't a fear of thinking but a knowing that no matter how hard I tried I didn't have the tools to work out why I felt this way.
I, like many of my peers grew up as a very under educated socially and politically aware person especially on a global level. This is the main reason I attribute to not being able to critically analyse why I knew something is wrong but couldn't work out the reasons. I'll have to take a large part of the blame but I grew up within a society that put little emphasis on those things but instead money, status, celebrity seemed to have the bright lights behind them to draw your attention. I led what I'd consider a fairly typical life trajectory to a certain point. I had the usual spiel about finding a career that you liked but ultimately I was aware the most important thing when choosing was where you could find a good paying job. Money, advancement and looking out for yourself were the important things. Greed is good was the mantra of my generation.
Education has become part of the problem. It's no longer about opening your mind, teaching you how to think critically or encouraging you to explore your own ideas but instead increasingly the goal is training not educating. Little by little though that all changed outside of the sphere of regimented educational system and my interest in the world around me grew. My reading, watching and discussions became much more socially and political motivated. It snowballed into an all-consuming passion. The internet made this easy. It's probably the first time in history that so much information is accessible from a huge array of sources at lighting speed with the ability to digest, understand and move on to the next topic. Never before in my life had a passion burned so brightly and it left me feeling more engaged with the world than I ever imagined was possible. I grew increasing angry with the world I live in. The money obsessed, celebrity obsessed, step on your granny to get ahead ideas began to feel so wrong within the full picture. I don't want to live in a world obsessed with material gain, with status, with money. It's a really shitty time to be alive. We're being sold one of the biggest lies in history that the current way of living is a good one.
That anger turned to rage when I understood a little more about how this world has ended up with the current way of being. The ever-increasing disparity in wealth. The lies that are propagated in the media all in the name of democracy. That fact that this so-called utopia is largely built on the continued suffering of poorer underdeveloped countries. My blood is boiling but it has lit a fire which has turned to genuine passion. It's something I haven't really ever experienced before. Recently I've been able to find some solutions in my head to strive towards something which I think can benefit others, cause small changes while providing genuine meaning in my life. I'm happy because this complete changing of my value system has brought about for the first time a sense of contentment.
The thing is I'm not alone. I've friends from all walks of life that feel or are starting to feel the same. Some have manged to figure this out earlier in life, others are still struggling and some are left with the same knowing that things aren't quite right but without wanting to question it much further, so they suffer in silence. The latter is the most dangerous because you end up believing the problem lies within you. More and more though people are questioning things. Turning to information for answers. This fountain of information at our finger tips carries a burden. An immense burden. Talking to one of my friends recently having a particularly heated debate his voice lowered and he said softly, "I'm just one man though I can't carry the weight of the world in my head". He's right. While ignorance carries its own problems, having your eyes opened to the world puts an awful burden on one's mind. The rising problems in mental health I believe are closely related to issues of being on either side of the divide. All that should be expected of one man is to live a life true to himself. For those that understand now why that's becoming increasingly difficult our need to want to change things weighs heavily as to prevent the suffering of others.
Talk of revolution has been in the air recently from wide-ranging areas. Most people believe it's nothing more than a pipe dream. Things though need to change. We're living within a time that we can see great people have tried and are trying to make a difference. Lies are being exposed on a scale never before seen. The problem is that for those with their eyes open the repercussions which should have followed these events haven't happened. A pattern has emerged of ignoring the real issues, targeting the wrong people and somehow in spite of the unveiling of incredible truths the distortion has been so great to somehow make them acceptable to the people. The banking failure for example has largely been left for those that didn't cause it to clean up. The political classes have engineered a solution that has left unprecedented burdens of debt on the people. Somehow sold to the masses that it's the right thing and we need to pay for the sins of the super-rich. These kind of injustices are going on across the spectrum. We need to start as one saying we will no longer accept these things.
All of this is creating an army. In a similar way to terror breeding terror these injustices right in front of people's noses are starting to get more and more people looking for answers. We need to see real change to stop corruption, to stop targeting the wrong people, to reform the political system, as while more and more people are waking up from the nightmare they're no longer going to accept things blindly. The people who can see and care about the problems are growing everyday. Visible change needs to start happening or the revolution is coming. Everyday around the world new people like me are joining the struggle. The struggle to win back our own hearts and minds. To make a better world. Join us
No comments:
Post a Comment